And to top it all off, I'm having a "low self-esteem" moment. I hate those. This one is a result of a conversation (read: debate) I had with a friend of mine last night over a couple pints. She's one of those fight-the-power kind of people, and so am I, ultimately. She was expressing her distaste for job hunting & the fact that all that seems to be available is government jobs. This is disheartening to her because she doesn't feel she would be happy working for the government.

So I asked her why. She proceeds to say something like "there's too much Beaurocracy, nothing in the government will ever change." I'm all, "how do you know if you don't try yaddayaddayadda" and her side turned into a defeatist no one-can-make-a-difference-as-a-public-servant-so-why-try. This disturbed me so much. She used to be such a fighter. Not to mention the fact that nothing in the government will ever change if the people who want to change it can't be bothered to work for them.

Call me a Liberal if you must, but I truly believe that.

She proceeded to call me the government's "poster child".

Here's where the self-esteem thing comes in.

That comment got me pissed. I resent her pessimistic, white, middle-class ass telling me that I'm what basically amounts to a sell out.

I mean, who's the one on the other side of the table using cheap cop outs?

Yeah, not me.

But I also generally really respect this girl, and I admit to once (years ago, people) having a crush on her. I like her, and have always (lamely) wanted her to like me. So now I'm conflicted between being pissed, and worrying that she's lost respect for me, or that I've offended her somehow.

I almost want to call her and say I'm sorry, when really I have nothing to be sorry about.

I wish I had some readers to write me and talk me out of that. LOL.