I said good-bye to Mel today one more time out of a million it seems. I sent her off with a little lunch and tried not to cry while I was putting it all together. It seemed like the only thing to do. I can’t be with her, I can’t hold her, but I can give her food for the train. It was really one of those moments that are all melodramatic in the movies when a character is obviously trying to distract themselves from what is running through their head. At one point I said, “I’d have made you a sandwich but there wasn’t enough time” that almost set me off. I think it was the metaness of the “but there’s not enough time” bit.

I think it made her sniffle too, but then it may have been the residual effects of Finding Forrester.

I unpacked all my books tonight and did some ironing like a good adult. I even thought about doing some crunches and going for the adult medal of honour, but then Everwood sucked me in. Damn you Gregory Smith! So from 11 pm on I’ve been sitting here on the computer avoiding sleep, because if I sleep I will be somehow closer to having to go to work. When did I start to feel this way about my job?

In fact, I love my job. It just seems like the workload is overwhelming me. And just when I feel like I’ve gotten a grip on things they throw stupid presentations at stupid conferences at me.

Yes, I am obsessing over it. I realize that somewhere in the back of my mind it’s not stupid. It’s a learning opportunity and it will help me get over my perpetual lack of faith in myself. Yes, I do know what I’m talking about. I am knowledgeable and skilled and a valuable addition to the workforce. It will make me believe that, right?